Pure Pain
by Simple.White.Lie
Summary: Edward was trying to keep going, trying to move on, till Rosalie called, and sealed his, and Bella's fate. But what WAS going through Edward's head when he said "Amazing, Carlisle was right." Please review,may contiue with the rest of New Moon in Ed. POV


Disclaimer- Don't own anything.. In this story I have taken some dialogue directly from the book. Don't own that, but am using fan-author privilege to tell the other side of the story.

The forest was thick with humidity. The animal growled, but I smacked it back unconsciously, hunger licked my throat. The burning in my throat though was nothing compared to the ache in my chest. It was all my fault. mine, and no one else's. The pain in my chest, in my throat burned more than any thirst, any other time in my hundred and ten years, anything. I would take a million more awakenings to hide from this pain. The beast inside roared and I clenched my arms holding myself together.

The ease I had hoped for was all but a memory. The pain in my chest was a permanent thing. A monster all of it's own. I leapt out of the shadow at the innocent lion that had been paused in the sun for a second too long. Quenching the thirst, my mind refused to be silenced, images of the pale, fragile human girl that had taken so much of me, and had nestled a spot in my long dead, cold heart. Something that I hadn't had been looking for, thought possible. I had been comfortable with the life I had. One foot in front of the other, moving when needed, being the invisible brother. Then Bella came and tore though that with one glance.

But I had to let her go. It would always be my fault for everything that happened to her, and I would never forgive my self for hurting her. Not just once, but every time I put danger in her path. I knew she would be hurting too, but it's the way it had to be. I was a monster, and she was a human. At least she could go on in life, that was a soothing consolation, she wouldn't feel any ties with me the could mar her future, it ripped a hole in my chest just thinking about her moving on without me. It hurt more to think of my future without her. Eternity. Forever. Alone.

The sun felt nice on the skin, finishing with the lion, I stretched up and let the sun bask my skin. How could I have let her go. I felt a buzzing in my pocket and it took me a moment to realise it was the little silver phone. I looked at the number. Carlisle. He was always checking on me. I usually just let him believe I wasn't going over the edge, sometimes it was almost too hard to keep the edge out of my voice. I was running back to civilization, the cliff's of Rio, when the phone rang again.

"Hello." My voice was flat, dead, no more life to it.

"Edward?" Rosalie's voice sounded nervous and on it's own edge.

"What Rose." I snapped.

"It's Bella. Before you can say anything, Alice said she wasn't looking. It just came to her. She couldn't help it." Rose and Alice didn't always see eye to eye, but they liked each other enough for this protection to make me pause.

"What." How much time had passed, was she married now? Off at college? My Bella- _not yours anymore_- was always destined for so much more.

"She jumped. Alice said she was depressed, and the La Push cliff-" everything inside me froze, complete and utter stillness.

"Edward?" The edge I now recognized in Rosalie's voice was fear, they were unsure how I'd take it. I closed the phone and started running, when I hit civilization, I haled a cab.

"Airport please." _Well I wasn't going to live without you.. The Volturi.. Not unless you want to die_… Death would be a thankful release, and then I would be joined with Bella forever. I didn't care where, or what. Paying the cabbie, I walked to the ticket counter, my phone was ringing again. Alice.

Tossing it in the trash bin, I walked to a girl on the end. "Florence please." I charmed my way onto the flight that was just about to leave and buckled in. Running through all the possibilities in my head, what, how. The only thing that matter, the only thing I cared about, was soon I was to be joined with Bella, no fears, no cares. Eternity.

I had lived long enough. It was time for me to die.

*

The alley was dark, out of the sun, the underground entry way Carlisle had once thought of loomed just a few feet away, I could hear them waiting for me, they knew what I was going to do. And they were ready.

Dipping into my theatrics, I was waiting till high noon, where the sun was at the highest point in the sky.

I had thought about hunting. But what would Carlisle say? Esme? Bella?

I had thought about throwing a car over the square. But what did that really prove.

And then I had thought back to the meadow. To a happier time in my life. Laying in the sun with Bella, she had said I was beautiful, shockingly brilliant. Wouldn't she want me to show my beauty?

I heard my name, but long ago had become attuned to hearing my name, though uncommon, it was still used. I heard the clock thunder out it's final chime, when I took one step.

The scent hit me before I felt the warmth of her skin. I didn't feel anything. All I saw was white brilliancy, the warmth in my arms was perfect. I felt her heart thudding away, looking down I smiled, "Amazing, Carlisle was right," we did have a chance at heaven. She started saying something about shadows, but I was too focused on her. The ache in my chest disappeared, the pain in my cold heart thawed and I felt, whole.

The Volturi must have been more ready than the two guards had thought, "I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing- they're very good." I searched the soft features of my true love, remembering the last time I was really happy, sitting on her couch watching her watch Romeo and Juliet, her little heart speeding up every time I touched her, reciting the words in her ear, the warm blush of blood pooling beneath her luminescent cheeks, "_Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty,_" I could feel burning, from somewhere, I took a deep breath and realised it was her, her warm, floral scent, the blood pumping. Shouldn't this have stopped? Or was this my punishment, damned for all eternity, forced to feel the painful burn of the most beautiful scent, "You smell just exactly the same as always. So maybe this _is_ hell. I don't care. I'll take it."


End file.
